Hi, everyone! So, before I post this post, I want to give a
little disclaimer. As I say in the post, I wrote this at 1am two nights ago
while wired out of my mind on caffeine. I still mean every word I wrote, but
boy do I sound loopy. And it gets pretty heavy at one point…so yeah, just a
heads up. Okay. Here’s a post.
(I'll probably write on this blog more frequently now. I always say that though.)
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To be honest, I wasn’t planning on writing this tonight.
It is now October, the first, and I am wide awake.
Brittany and I found a coffee shop close to our new
apartment in Grand Rapids. There, we have wifi and can watch How I Met Your
Mother in shifts, as there is only one pair of headphones in our possession at
the moment. It was probably a mistake to drink coffee at such a late hour, but
I was too excited about returning to the characters I hold so dear, as well as
finding a new coffee-supplying location to frequent, so here we are: wide awake
at 1am on the first of October, 2013.
When I said I wasn’t planning on writing this tonight, I
don’t mean I wasn’t planning on writing it at all. Then again, when else would
I write it but tonight?
I’ve been meaning to write another post giving some sort of
“life update” in detail for a while now, but the timing has been off. For
instance, the past month of my life has involved an immeasurable amount of
endings, goodbyes, loose ends being tied, metaphorical deaths, as well as
beginnings, hellos, new ends being loosened, and metaphorical births. I simply
have not had the time to sit and get my thoughts in order. Until tonight, that
is, with coffee pumping through the streams in my body and forcing my eyelids
open.
Before I really begin, I want to clarify something that
doesn’t really need clarification: I don’t write these posts, however sparse
they may be, because I feel my life is important enough that the public needs
to be updated on my every change. I write these posts because I need to feel in
control of the organization of the events in my “lives” (creative, personal,
etc.) despite not having any real control at all. I have some, sure, such as
what paths to continue upon or progress or abandon, but when it comes down to
it, much of my life is controlled by the lives of others. We all work together
in an odd sort of collaboration to further our search for love (and I don’t
mean romantic love, obviously), peace, and life in general. I digress. The
point is: I’m not writing this because I feel I am special enough to warrant
your attention, but rather to keep myself from becoming overwhelmed by myself.
I suppose I’ll begin with the obvious: as of the fourteenth
of September, I have been living in a new city. That city is Grand Rapids,
Michigan. I was nervous about the move, as is true with most people who move
for the first time for a reason other than school or family, and I would be lying
if I said the nervousness has dissipated. I feel more at ease after two weeks,
yes, but I do not feel comfortable.
And that is a good thing. I have yet to connect with more than one or
two “potential friends” and I still get turned around very easily when it comes
to directions. However, this is exactly what I needed.
My farewell to Kalamazoo was excessive, to say the least.
There were three going-away parties, visits to every major location that meant
something to me for one final goodbye, coffee or beer and/or hugs with every
single friend (well, okay, not every
friend) that I would not be seeing for an extended period. A lot (but not all)
of this had to do not with my college life, but with my work life. My coworkers
at Celebration! Cinema Crossroads were, are, and always will be like family to
me, and have seen me through a great deal of highs and lows. They gave me a
sendoff(s) I will never forget, and helped me release my grip on my “college
life.” You know, that mess from ages 18-22 that brought about heartbreak,
anxiety, vices, and all kinds of things that I’ll need to get over for the rest
of my life. It wasn’t all bad, though, as that time period also brought about
an expanded sense of adventure, new confidences, new or strengthened
friendships, honed skills, broadened tastes in music, film, and art, and more
positives than negatives, ultimately. But with these goodbyes, I let go of that
time in my life and stepped foot on the path I’ve been looking forward to my
entire life. And that path is, well, my entire life.
Now that I have moved to a new city, with no other purpose
than the one I feel I was born to do, I can finally begin living the life I
feel called to live: the life of someone who creates stories and art that will
make the world a brighter place and change hearts for the better, spread love
to everyone, and bring even just a shred of glory to the One who created me.
That’s really all I want to do, and now that I read those again, I realize
that’s all I’ve been striving to do my whole life, and I’ve actually been doing
it this whole time. But it’s different now.
This year in Grand Rapids actually feels similar to my past
year in Kalamazoo in the sense that I’m still “preparing” for my shot at
“success” as a writer. My plan as of now (which could change for all I know,
but probably won’t) is to move to California after my year here to actually
attempt a break-in of the film industry. (Riley, if you’re reading this right
now, stop freaking out about the parentheses in that last sentence. Seriously.
And also I miss you a ton.)
I want to lose the first word in my “aspiring screenwriter”
status. I want to help create films. I want films I have written to be created.
I want to see my name on a movie poster and in the credits on screens across
the country, or even the world. I want my ideas to be the subject of
“after-movies” discussion, where two people get to know each other better
because they spent anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours talking about the
ideas or perspectives I’ve helped present in a two-hour visual medium. I want
to be ripped apart by pretentious critics. I want a small-town cinephile that
wants to also help create films to see something I’ve had a hand in, and write
a review of it for his film blog he started with one of his best friends. It
may be short-lived, as are most careers in such a decaying industry, but I know
that. I am going to pursue the chance to make even the smallest spark.
I know this all sounds crazy. Believe me. You can tell me
how unlikely it is, or how my dreams are too big, or how I have no idea what
I’m talking about, or whatever. I know all of that. But I also know that I’m
only young once. I won’t be 23 again. Or 24. Or 25. Or 26. I have my entire
life to settle down, get a “real job,” and start a family (because I really do
want to start a family someday). But I don’t want to succumb to the horrifying
21st century “American dream” of being closer to debt-free with each
paycheck from a lukewarm job, a messy family life, and being consumed by regret
that I didn’t pursue the insane desires of my youth. I’m going to go for this,
and I’m going to learn a whole hell of a lot. I’m going to see just how much of
the worst isn’t over and how many best
days of my life I have yet to experience. I’ve seen a lot of people my age
(and even younger) already curl up and forget the wild desires and lunatic
dreams they had when “grown-ups” would ask them what they wanted to be when
they too grew up. So many people barely a quarter of the way through their
lives assume the worst is behind them, assume that’s a good thing, and create a
bland self-fulfilling prophecy of the “okay” and the “fine” being how they
spend the rest of their existence in this beautiful and terrifying life. I know
I won’t “make a lot of money,” but even if I do, what does it matter? I will see
things that not many people see and do things that, though silly or odd or
whatever, not many people do. I want to suck every drop of something out of the time I’m alive and explode in some sort of
flash or flood or fire that shines life and love onto everyone I come into
contact with while I’m breathing.
So get ready, because the prologues and expositions are
ending and I see chapter one speeding at me. And I’m standing in the middle of
the street with no intention of moving out of the way.
Wow, sorry, that got really, really heavy. Ahem.
My plans for the year are kind of the “usual” for me in the
sense that I’ll be continuing all of the creative pursuits I have been. I’ll be
writing screenplays, both short and long. I’ll be continuing the film blog with
Riley. I’ll be writing poetry when the mood hits me. I’ll be writing short
stories, and perhaps working on my novel that I’ve had in the works for a few
years. I’ll be writing, recording, and playing music (that I know is bad, okay?
I’ve heard myself sing. Gosh. I do it because I like it), and hopefully playing
a few live shows, if I can. And obviously I’ll be watching a ton of movies.
Some new things, however, are actual creation of some of
these short films with a few different people, and a continued collaboration
with my very good friend and spectacularly talented filmmaker Matthew Miller
and his production company. There also may be a musical collaboration between
my roommate and I, where we really divulge into our twee hipster existence and
pull some songs out of them. I also really want to try my hand at painting. I
don’t know why. It just sounds fun.
…and wow, I’m really crashing from that caffeine high I was
on this whole time.
Let’s do some bullet points! Obviously most of this post has
to do with my creative life, both short- and long-term. Here are a few goals in
bullet form:
-
write another full-length screenplay
-
write a bunch of short screenplays
-
record and release the Up n Adam full-length
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record and release a split with my brother Nick,
and maybe another Christmas EP
-
write more for the film blog
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write short stories, poetry, longer work, etc.
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paint a bit, perhaps.
And here are some bullet points about my personal life,
which I really haven’t discussed a whole lot in this post:
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I’m working on making new friends.
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I miss my friends that are already friends so
much. Seriously. So much. It kills me to see pictures of you all hanging out
without me. But keep having fun. Just know that I miss you and I wish I were
there.
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My new job at Celebration! Woodland is
fantastic. Really. I love it there. More than I expected, honestly.
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I’m still single, and although I’d worried about
that for the past couple months, I’m actually starting to think I’m going to
stay this way for quite a while. But hey, who knows. How I Met Your Mother
started back up and I’ve been all kinds of swoon-y lately, between that and The
OC. Even though Finn and Fire Princess broke up in Adventure Time. Poor guy.
It’s for the best, though.
I am out of things to cover…but this post is already long
enough. And it was totally not what I thought I wanted to write about, but hey,
I feel better now that all of that came out, so it can’t be all bad. Or any
bad. No bad. Breaking bad (oh crap, now this post is like everything else on
the internet lately. I’ve still never watched that show…oops).
Okay, I should probably go to bed now.
I love you all. Sorry for the length of this post. You
didn’t have to read it, but if you did, let me know and I’ll give you a huge
hug next time I see you.
lovelovelove,
Adam
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